an unrequited love

Almost was not mine to begin with.

they could have been,

but, then again maybe not.

We didn’t grow apart,

like trees rooted in the right place

we were a missed opportunity.

It was fall, not spring

I think..

I fell..

not in love,

but for the illusion.

of our possibility.

and I don’t feel empty,

you were absent long before we were over,

we just didn’t have that compatibility.

this new version of missing you,

I don’t want to label.

so that one day we might meet,

with much more stability.

For an almost love,

is better than an unrequited one.

am I a hopeless romantic?

or a thinker of realistic?

can’t I be both? 

upon closer inspection,

like stars in a galaxy.

we refuse to collide,

oh, how I wish

upon that shooting star,

to merge once again.

just for a second.

We have a problem with love

is it the idea of being vulnerable?

but would the connection be real?

if there is no space for that vulnerability?

You, me, us, we. 

the love does not, 

collide, explode, flourish. 

It does not stand a chance. 

For love takes time, 

And time takes love.

call me ‘in denial.

I won’t call you ‘the one that got away.’

but I still dream of the almost love,

that’s all I wanted to say.

I can’t do anything for you anymore. I’m trying to save myself.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender is the Night

Starting + Keeping a Healthy Lifestyle

July 27 2019

May 12 2019 … I was coming home after my sophomore year of college.. in a depression, failing grades, falling out friendships, and low self esteem.

I wish I could say “fast forward to now” but it’s those in between moments that really build a person. I weighed about 176 lbs and food was my comfort. I ate to keep busy or to distract myself, using going out to eat with friends as an excuse to distance farther from life; this is the reality.

I finally said “enough, I’ve got to change.”

My biggest lesson; physicality only changes with mentality. So if my outlook wasn’t changing neither would my body.

Going into this I knew basics; changing my diet, cardio and simple workouts needed to be done.

I only had myself weighed due to a recent doctors appointment however from then on I relied on progress photos (motivated so much better than a stupid number). I started by changing things up; I was waking up at 5 am to get up and walk for 2 hours each morning. I’ve never been a morning person but I noticed how much more I began to appreciate life; that was my me time.

I changed my diet around no unnecessary sugars (yes, to this day I’m still drinking my iced coffee black) I treat myself every once in awhile but I use portion control. highly recommend using smaller plates as motivation. No going back for seconds and snacks consist of fruits. I don’t necessarily count calories however I do watch and limit what I put in my body.

Feeling empowered, and loving my body so much and my mental health was better than ever (163 lbs by this point)…I started to get lazy (it happens) .. no more waking up, no more getting to sleep by 8:30 pm. My life was like a light switch. But I get we deserve some off time to rest? It’s good for us? However, I was using my “rest” once again as an excuse.

I’ve always fluctuated with my weight whether that was due to lack of motivation or my mindset to just normal changes. I’m so proud of myself and I typically overthink these things, but I slipped up and it’s totally normal!!

If this is your current situation you’re stuck in, your motivation should be; start over! tomorrow is a new day! Don’t over compensate for “lost time”, just get back to that schedule.

I’m by no means a physical trainer or doctor.. I’m an average person trying to stay healthy (on a budget). Use every resource around you. I bought a $7 yoga mat so I could do workouts in the comfort of my own home. I walk my neighborhood!! (no need for that expensive gym membership just for a treadmill !!)

Try and try and try again. Push yourself to limits you thought were never possible. I still am.

“𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎 𝒐𝒇 𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚. 𝑰’𝒎 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒖𝒍𝒂𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏. 𝑰𝒕’𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒎𝒆.”

𝑲𝒉𝒍𝒐𝒆 𝑲𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒂𝒏

All About Myself

As a Coastal Carolina University student I originally went in with the focus on marine science, now focusing on ‘journalism’/communications (still planning to incorporate marine science in my writing).

At 21 years old I never thought I’d see the day where I’d publicly put myself out in this big, beautiful world of writing. I’ve always been a private person however, when it came to my writing I felt comfortable enough to share.

From the age of 9 I knew that I always wanted to be a shark biologist this suddenly changed once I realized, that the content was not exactly what I wanted to focus on, and I was losing passion and interest, in the field it’s a different story but break it down and it’s much more complex than it seems at surface level.

I completed 2 years of CCU in the marine science program until I knew I needed to change my major (my best skills are in communication, quick thinking/responding, and writing).

I still have the love of marine science however, knowing I can enter the field by using my strengths gave me so much more hope. My current plan is to graduate with a degree in English, and hopefully work for a non profit.

I previously was an author for the online magazine HerCampus; check out my articles here.

Aside from the research portion; you’ll find my blog will cover lifestyle. (Honestly, using this blog mainly for hobby reasons because I love writing).

happy reading ❤

Get in Contact.